Me: You know :3 Undertale :3 Is :3 A lot like :3 Homestuck :3 :3
Friend: Yaya! Tem Agree!
Me: don’t you be facetious with me, [FRIEND NAME] Alistair Fredrickson
Me: (that’s your upper-middle class teen name for when I have to be a mother to you)
Friend: XD
Me: Imagine us going to a PTA meeting and me passive aggressively judging the other parents’ kids like “My son is better than them”
Friend: That’d be funny.
Friend: “Oh, a Call of Duty fan, hm…? You have fun with that.”
Me: XD yeeees. “A Microsoft fanboy? I know whose birthday parties I won’t let my son go to.”
Me: “Oh, Ruth, I’m so glad to hear Billy got honor roll! Can’t wait to see him in retail 10 years later.”!
Friend: XD
Me: “Those brownies are nice, but I prefer my home made apple turnover.”
Me: ok I’m done with the PTA au
Friend: “Oh, your kid likes Dragon Ball? Say no more, I know JUST the kind of person he is.”

Friend: Despite how much I love anime though, I watch it much less often than you’d think
Me: : o I thought you caressed anime every night, grasping its firm voluptuous regions with an iron grip
Friend: well, I do…
Friend: but actually paying attention to it happens not to often
Friend: she loves me tho
Me: D’aaaw ❤
Friend: lul
Me: every night
Me: I shove a piano up my ass
Friend: how romantic
Me: each key is named after the butt
Me: A: Anus, B: Butthole, C: Crap chute, D: Defecation Hole, E: Excrement Hole, F: Farthole, G: GIoryhole
Friend: please no more XD
Me: good thing there’s only 7 key types :3
Friend: oh lol
Friend: Your humor is very Arin-y today
Me: >: D well I dooo fall asleep to the sound of his and Dan’s majestic voices most nights
Me: I’ve undergone Arinosmosis
Friend: lol
Me: He’s penetrated me. Emotionally.
Me: it’s why most of my dick is shoved into my personality
Me: XD XD XD
Me: I’m on fire
Friend: *Splashes water on you*
Me: aw ❤ you always know how to make me wet
Friend: *Hands you a pie* I made it nice and creamy for you
Friend: #i’mhorrible
Me: pffft XD I’ll consume this creampie via enema
Friend: enema is… what exactly?
Me: you use a tube to send nutrients directly into your colon, where it gets absorbed
Me: [something about Bear Grylls having an enema with bird guano] it was like Bear Grylls was reverse crapping

Friend: *makes a joke*
Me: *humours it with a non-capitalized or punctuated “lol”*
Friend: *Proceeds to feel gud that I made someone lol*
Me: *hides the dead body*
Friend: O-oh… where did that come from?
Me: Hello, [FRIEND NAME]. I’ve been expecting you for eons.
Me: Join me.
Friend: ouo
Friend: [MY NAME]…?
Me: No. It is I, Scribesworth McButtface. I come from a long line of deities whose sole purpose in life is to create live-action anime.
Friend: I instantly believe you and will devote my everything to serving you
Me: *dead body reanimates* No [FRIEND NAME] don’t give in to the promise of shonen. True shonen comes from the heart, not from aliens who don’t understand the demographiiic
Me: *Silence*
Friend: *Shrug* I don’t like zombies anyway.
Me: *Scribesworth McButtface spontaneously combusts because the plot demands it*
Friend: nooooooooooooooo! Buttfaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!!!
Me: *pokes at Scribesworth’s ashes and finds a mask of DonaId Trump*
Me: *electronic music plays as the scene pans out to show the desolate apocalyptic world around us*
Friend: @.@ Is this what I would have become…?
Me: Yes. Such is the fate of magical guys.
Friend: But I’m not… am I?
Me: Perhaps. Perhaps you’ve been one all along.
Friend: *Looks down and sees the dress on me* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Me: /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\ we can change your fate if you MAKE A CONTRACT WITH ME
Friend: ISN’T THAT HOW I GOT INTO THIS MESS?
Me: *Kyuubey shrugs, pulls out a jar of Nutella from a pocket dimension, and consumes it whole*
Friend: The whole scene becomes a Nutella commercial.
Friend: “With the delicious taste of Nutella, I too can understand what it’s like to be a white chick.”

Friend: Yaaaaay
Friend: Yaaaaay2
Me: Yaaaaay 3: The Yayening
Friend: And then they upgrade to 3D with yaaaaay Adventure.
Me: It’s met with mixed reception. Reviewers praise the performances but criticize the simple plot.
Friend: Then yaaaaay Adventure 2 comes out. It is praised as a god among the yaaaaay franchise.
Me: The corporation that created yaaaaay becomes a political power and overthrows world governments, becoming supreme ruler of a dystopian society.
Friend: oh god that’s not the direction I expected at all.

Me: *is glad*
Friend: *Basks in your gladness*
Me: *is basked in said gladness*
Friend: *A basking shark joins in the basking, and as such basks*
Me: XD XD XD
Me: *genuine laughter*
Friend: 😀
Me: ya know a friendship’s good when da laughter is 100% pure, mined from the most high quality of laugh quarries.
Friend: And snorted like the finest of Laugh Crack
Me: Jimmy from down the street can hook ya up with the best deals for pure granulated laughter. Snort dat shit up
Friend: I just buy canned laughter substitute from the drug store
Friend: Much more legal
Me: but you’re supporting the laugh capitalists in the process, which threatens hard-earned local laughs 😮